Work in Progress and Importance of doing nothing when you need to.
So it has been a lot longer then I had anticipated since my first (and last) post. I had hoped to make blogging a weekly practice. I do understand it is a learning curve, and over the past week and half (maybe nearly two weeks) I have felt very ill and needed to have a break, from everything.
As we approach the middle of January, the sky is getting lighter, and I look forward to being able to make the most of the natural light to photograph my drawings – I have a fair few that need uploading, but feel the quality is too poor.
Current work in progress – ‘Guardian’
But I would like to share my current work in progress. This is on A4 cartridge paper with 2H and 2B pencil. The piece will be called ‘Guardian’. The inspiration behind it is that we all have guardian angels, and I have certainly felt over the years many times that I am not alone and being guided by an angel. In fact, back around 2014/2015, when I started to experiment more with guided meditations on YouTube (there is a million different ones out there, give them a go!), I used one to meet my guardian angel. It was one of the first experiences I had with mediation that had a physical reaction to me at the time of doing it. As I closed my eyes and let go of my worries, I followed the guided voice, and soon found myself on a grassy peaceful cliff. There was a gentle breeze, the sun setting and I could hear the rhythmic waves on the shore. As the voice guided me more, I then saw before me the brightest light in a rough form human shape, arms slightly out forward, I felt a physical surge of peace and happiness (somewhat a cliche, but I was astounded that I had spontaneously experienced it). I couldn’t see details of features, such as a face, as the being was made of pure light and it radiated so brightly, but I could sense the female energy. I asked her name, and heard a voice and name I had never heard before – Azura.
After the mediation ended , I quickly wrote the name so I wouldn’t forget, and went to good ol’ Google to find out its origins. Most concluded it to be Persian decent, meaning ‘sky-blue’. I became fascinated by the possibilities that meditation could bring, and had no doubt in my mind that I had had a genuine experience and met my guardian angel, Azura.
Whilst this piece is not a portrait of Azura, I am trying to capture the serenity, peace, and encompassing light that I believe all guardian angels possess. I have learned over the past few years, as I found myself in a better place mentally and emotionally, that everything that came so natural to me as child had began to slowly return – the deja vu, the synchronicity, the intuition and so much more. I have learned to trust my feelings, and be guided by them, as they lead me to my purpose, and opened the door to some incredible experiences that are difficult to put into words, but have given me understanding to know that we are not alone, and everything happens for a reason, even things we wish never happened.
I have had many experiences over the years with my guardian angel, and lately other angels, that I hope to share sometime. I hope that I can frequently share the spiritual experiences I’ve had – maybe I should write them down instead of committing them to memory?
Like the second half of the title says, I have discovered the importance of doing nothing when I need to. This was ultimately not my choice. For the past week/ fortnight I have felt such exhaustion and feeling so unwell, that it has made it incredible difficult to do day to day tasks – even going to work. I’m usually all go, I do my best to keep on top of a ‘functioning adult’ life – I work full time, I exercise a couple times a week, drink 3 liters of water a day, don’t forget plenty of fruit and veg, home cooked meals, have plenty of sleep, remember to have a hobby for stress relief, get the house work done …..
But with how ill I have been, despite my efforts to keep doing everything (ok, the hobbies fell to the side, I couldn’t focus, then the excersise, I didn’t have the extra energy) I just ended up crashing.
If I start to feel a little off or run down, I like to plan a kind of at home spa night, on a Friday, so I can wash off all the physical, and mental/emotional ick from work. It works wonders. And I enjoy incorporating aspects of holism to really give me a boost – think turmeric lattes, crystal therapies/mediation, healing frequency music, reading a self development book or even celeb gossip magazine, a nourishing meal and DIY beauty products with some beautiful essential oils. But this time, with all the will in the world, I couldn’t do it. Even the thought of lying in a bath was too much effort, much to the confusion of my husband. Instead, I had to learn that my body was telling me to do nothing. I didn’t even have the energy to read. I spent days lying in bed, then moving to the sofa, and going back to bed. I binged on boxsets on Netflix, I fought with guilt that I ‘should’ be productive. Eventually, I had to accept that my body is telling me what I needed to do to heal, and that was rest and do nothing. The more I fought it, the longer it would take to feel well again. It took a little acceptance. I had to accept that I am human, and when ill need time to recover, and that the dishes can wait, and the washing, and the studying, and even the wholefood vegan diet can wait if all I can stomach is toast and plain food because of the nausea.
I learned that it is absolutely ok to do nothing. I can let go of guilt that I have been lazy, and that I ‘should’ be doing something all ways. If I don’t have time for nothing, my body is sure to make me do nothing so I don’t have a choice in the matter.
Have you experienced guilt about not being productive, even though your mentally and physically exhausted? Did it make you look at your daily life and think maybe you need to change some habbits or routines? How do you enjoy down time?
I hope you’ve all enjoyed this blog post, see you next time!
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